Copyright 1995-2005 - Chuck Pritchard

POETS, BARDS & LIARS

Now there was a man, we'll just call him 'ol Tom

He had to go move a calf; a donation for his two little sons

So the family arrived & there they found

A cute little critter, couldn't of weighed more than 50 pounds

It had them big old soft eyes, it was just cute as a button

And so damn gentle, why you'd a thought it was mutton.

Now, ol Tom ain't a cowboy, nothing of the sort

That's why he was dressed in his flip-flops & them Bermuda shorts

And you have to understand that he don't know nothing about hauling cows or horses & such

So he just figured he'd put it right up there in the cab of his truck

Away they went with ol Tom's wife behind the wheel

The boys riding in the middle, oh what a thrill

Well, the calf got anxious and went to stomping around

Right on top of Tom's feet; them flip-flops wasn't to sound

So he finally settled down, seems this wasn't no great chore

And then he started to pee, & pee & peed some more

Now ole Tom's feet, well they got pretty wet

But the hose would wash it off, sure wasn't nothing to fret

They were cruising along easy, just about smooth as glass

Till they hit a bump & things started to pass

First a little gas; you know, the methane kind

Boy, they should of known; that was a sign

The little critter backed up to the A/C vent

And filled her plumb full of cow excrement

Now this wasn't normal cow pie stuff, I have to tell

This critter had the scours, kind of a scent from hell

Now ol Tom's wife, she couldn't take it there in the cab of that truck

So her & one of the boys they just had to upchuck

Then the calf got elevated & kinda' turned to the side

And across the top of the dash they had a cow slide

It oozed & dripped down into the defroster vents

Man, can you imagine what a scent ?

Well, they all arrived & Tom washed out his truck

Getting rid of the cow stuff & his wife's upchuck

And he didn't drive it for a couple of days

Just let her sit & air, kinda' off in the shade

Then he takes off, the memory was wearing sorta' thin

Till he turned on the heater & here it all come again